Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Punched in The Gut

So it happened. Someone, a mere aquaintance, was apparently speculating at why I didn't have an abortion when I found out Yusef had Down syndrome. The wife of one of my husband's friends, a doctor of course, and supposedly a person of faith and a Muslim (not that that really matters).

Even though this was relayed by my husband from his friend and was a casual conversation that occured in passing, it hurts. It angers me. It's heresay, since I didn't actually hear it out of her mouth, but still I know in my heart of hearts that those words were said.

I'll never understand the mentality that my child, a child with Down syndrome, who is perfect and sweet and funny and bright, would be better off dead.

He's not a mere thought in the memory of my womb, an enigma. He's real. His heart beats and my own hearts burns with a fierce love for this little boy.

I love every inch of him. His big brown teddy bear eyes and his pink tongue that peeks out between his little heart shaped mouth; his thick wavy brown hair that always seems to be in a perpetual state of "bed head"; his pudgy little arms and fat fingers that love to grab my glasses and hair and earrings. I love his little shy smile that appears at the sight of my face or the sound of my voice.

More than anything I love him and I love that he's here with me to share this time that is my life. Alhumdullilahi rabil alamin.

That is why. That is why I gave him life.


TUC said...

And a beautiful life it is.

Amira said...

Mashallah Your baby is absolutely adorable(May Allah protect him always) I cant believe people actually dare make such comments in casual conversation its so cruel and messed up.

Erin said...

I know how painful these questions are. Sometimes I just go home and cry. But our children have every right to be here and experience life like anyone else. I hate it when people devalue the life of our children, it's hurtful and wrong.

Kristin said...

Oh my. Punched in the gut is right. Wow.
When max's birthmom went to the first adoption agency, they told her "he isn't placeable". Huh? Luckily the next agency she went to wasn't so ignorant.

Tara said...

UGH. It's like we have to defend their right to even live. What's up with that?! I think the naysayers should have to defend their right to breathe my air! Grrrrr.

Lisa said...

Ack. I'm sorry you are having to deal with such hurt, Stephanie. I know it doesn't help to know that it comes from ignorance. Nobody has ever asked me that, but each time I've been asked "Didn't you know about it before he was born?" or "Didn't you have prenatal testing done?" it feels like that's what they're really getting at.

Kelly said...'s very frustrating and hurtful. How dare ANYONE quesion anothers' value or worth! My risk factor was 1 in 3 that Landon would have Ds.... and guess what....he is the best choice we ever made. We didn't even want an amnio to confirm because there was even the slightest risk of miscarriage. We valued him even then!!!!!

Anonymous said...

very hurtful. but maybe she just wasn
t thinking when she said that. i'm sure she didnt' mean to hurt u. its too bad ppl dont think harder before they speak.

Salma said...

May Allah protect Yusuf and your family from the evil eye.

I don't know the mentality of people either.

Shahirah Elaiza said...

Salam sis. I guess some people can't seem to grasp what it's like to make such a choice. You have to admit, you did a very, very brave thing. Raising a child whom people consider as 'disabled' is not easy! Maybe they were curious and decided to ask direct from the source.

Not many people know how it feels to see a person's true beauty. These days it's all about the superficial. But you looked past all that. You are a mother who loves a perfectly innocent child whose soul is complete despite whatever his physical condition may be. You and your family have been given a very rare gift - the ability to see a person's true beauty and inner spirit. Cherish it no matter what anyone else may say =)

The Fabu. said...

We are a disposable society. Everything is attainable with mere push of a set of 4 digit numbers. Capitalism dictates that we are consumers. And hence the sanctity of life has been dismanteled to exactly that. If we don;t liek something. There is a return policy of 28 days. If it bears faults, and hinders our expectation in any way, then we have the right to return it, and get our money back. This materialistic logic is applied to everything and anything- even life. Afterall, we are mere consumers. Slaves of the economy. Devalued of our soul. Our worth. Our being.

Stay strong. Yusuf is still young, and you will get more ignorant remarks like this.

Carrie said...

I don't understand why people just assume that our children should die--and that their mothers should be the ones to kill them?? It just doesn't make sense.

Yusef is adorable and the world is a better place because he is here!