Wednesday, April 21, 2010

MRI and I'm Exhausted

Yusef had his sedated MRI of the brain today. This is to make sure that there is no structural abnormality causing the seizures. I was quite nervous about it the night before. Frankly, I'm terrified they may find something there.. Something terrible, something we won't be able to fix..

I've been through numerous rounds of sedation with Zainah, including a couple MRI's. So I knew what to expect--A lot of waiting around and a cranky kid. I wasn't however prepared for the way things went today.

It was nothing out of the ordinary. The day started out getting checked in and to our room. The nurses came in (they know us as the kids in our family are regulars) asked all their questions, then the doctors came in and asked all their questions and after two and half hours of this the real fun began.

First Yusef was pretty sure he was starving to death. This is normal and expected as he wasn't allowed to eat anything since midnight. So he fussed and fussed and finally wore himself out and fell asleep. After a nice, peaceful time of it, the nurses came in to start his IV. I knew this was going to be difficult as we've done numerous blood draws and even the well seasoned phlebotomists end up having to do finger pokes.

So nurse after nurse attempted to place an IV in my screaming boy.  After numerous sticks and fishing around finally the IV was placed. Yusef cried like I had never seen him. He was so upset, heartbroken and bewildered. He cried until he had no fight left in him and just lay there head buried in my breast whimpering. I admit, I shed a few tears with him. I let my mind wander at what his future would hold. How many more mornings would we spend like this? My sweet boy. My love. I am your mother and yet I'm powerless to stop this.


The Offending Device

After that, I pretty much went into auto mode. I remember going down to the MRI area and sitting there drained as the machine whirred and drummed out it's unnatural mechanical rhythm. You must remember, this hospital is where I work, and I know all the help there, know the area, and have been in that same room countless times as a nurse. Still, I couldn't of been more removed from it. For the first time in a long while, I saw things through the patients and families eyes--modern medicine, a miracle, yet horrendous and utterly unnatural.

Finally it was over and we were back in our room to sleep off the pentobarbital. A long nap for both of us was in due order.


8 comments:

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Aww Yusef is so precious. You are so blessed to have him. I am making dua' that a cause can be found for the seizures.

Mel said...

What an ordeal. Hope you get some helpful and positive results soon :)

B. McKenzie said...

I am so sorry. What a long day...what a long journey. I know your heart breaks over and over again. So, My prayers are with you and Yusef. I don't know what else to say, but you inspire me. Hugs your way.

Becca said...

Hi! I just found your blog, and Yusef is just such a beautiful little boy! I hope you can get some answers with logical fixes soon. I'm sorry you're all going through this.

Candice said...

This post and pictures really got to me... It's just about 1 year ago that Nora got sick and had to be hospitalized. All the needles for the countless blood samples and the IVs, the sedation for the MRI and ultrasounds, all the Xrays, etc...
I will think of you and Yusef and make dua that there is a cure or at least a treatment that is effective. I know what you went through in those pictures is similar to what I went through with Nora, but I can't begin to imagine not finding a treatment that works. I was blessed that Nora's problem is controlled with her medication...
*Hugs!*

Lisa said...

Ahhhh, Stephanie. I have tears in my eyes just reading about this. When will you receive results?

Carrie said...

What a hard day! I think all the medical stuff is really the hardest part about this road--I currently have a love/hate relationship with the medical world--I love that it's available and all the knowledge that there is...I hate that we seem to need it once a week. Big hugs--I hope you get some answers soon!

Jeanette's Google Library said...

That poor little thing! when will you get the results?